It has been just over a year since my last blog entry and while I thought about writing so many times I realized that there wasn't much I was allowed to say. The last year of my life has been revolved around preparing to be deployed and while I wanted to write about all the thoughts, feelings and anxieties I was having I really couldn't say much without divulging information about the deployment itself that would compromise ship's information. I, also, didn't want to think about it more than I had to. I was excited to have an adventure of a lifetime, but fighting the depression of leaving my husband came with that excitement. The two weeks before I left I really struggled wanting to do anything. As much as I knew I should leave the house or see people I just simply didn't want to. I was susceptible to tears falling at any moment and would sit on the couch cuddled up with my puppies any time I was home alone. Moments with my husband never seemed to last long enough and the count down to departure went faster and faster. The time came. That dreadful moment of saying "Good-bye" had arrived.
Don't worry, I will fill you in on every experience that I have had over the last 6 months once I finally get home. I plan to eventually write out the entire deployment and take you on the journey that I have traveled and will forever be a part of me. For now is just going to be a small look into the mental/emotional roller coaster of being a deployed Navy Wife.
The joys and challenges of being a new wife are always quite the adventure. The joys and challenges of being in the Navy is a whole other adventure. Now slam those 2 roles into one of the most challenging situations a person can be put in and that is my current life. I am currently deployed and have been for just about 6 months. Dealing with a deployment is stressful, full of anxiety, a learning experience, a challenge, a chance to grow, an adventure and a roller coaster to say the least. My days consist of working at least 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and right when I think I have caught up on my daily tasks.......something breaks. Radio circuits down.....entire network down......challenge accepted! I have learned to delegate, prioritize and manage my time better than I ever have in the past. And don't think that working with all guys in the shop scares me; they know who's boss. :) I hold my own and have earned their respect and established myself as a credible IT on the ship. My parents always taught me that hard work will pay off, maybe not right away or when you want it to, but it will pay off some day, when it counts the most.
Wrangling my own stress, emotions and mental challenges is a feet all on its own, but let's not forget the most important person in my life; my husband. The biggest challenge we have learned we face is that while I am being deployed we live separate lives and neither one of us can fully understand the other. It has caused a few altercations, but it has only caused us to grow as a couple and really learn to communicate. We have learned that we both have to really put ourselves in the other person's shoes and accept that we cannot fully understand the life of the other person right now. After working out the kinks we have found that laughter is the best thing for us and that we are each entitled to our bad days. Those bad days become fewer as time goes on but the best way to support each other during those bad days is to know that we can't fix it and to just support each other. We have become an excellent tag team of alternating whose turn it is to be down and sad. We take turns lifting each other up while the other wants to give up. That's the crazy part, though, is that there is no giving up. How do you decided that you want to quit being apart? Quit living separate lives? Quit having a long-distance relationship? You don't. You don't have a choice so all you can do is learn to adapt and it has made our relationship stronger. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband and if you know my husband at all you can only imagine how much he makes me laugh even from thousands of miles away. :)
I miss my husband more than anything. More than my own bed, my own clothes, a couch, my puppies, driving, a home-cooked meal, a beer after a stressful day, chocolate......mmmmmm chocolate. Ok, now I'm day dreaming of all the things I miss on a daily basis. You never realize how great it is to shower without shower shoes on until it is no longer allowed in your life. I'm a little anxious about coming home only because the smallest changes are going to feel like stepping into the delorian to go back to the future. It was spring when I left and now when I return there will be holiday decorations all around. Summer beach time was just simply non-existent. Football season will be half over. My nephew will be almost 1 year old. Hopefully my puppies still remember me. New neighbors. New fall styles. New movies in theaters. New music on the radio. A hundred little changes can get overwhelming. I just know that I will have to follow some of my mom's famous words, "Just take it one day at a time".
I am loving and understanding towards my husband and a ball-buster to my shipmates........I am a Navy Wife.
