I am a private person so tell my Chief the news was difficult but needed to be done so I could get time off to go to the funeral and be with my family. All the paperwork had been set up and my plane ticket was bought. During the few days in San Diego before the funeral I thought I would be an emotional wreck. I oddly wasn't. I found that being so far away from what was all happening made me slide into denial. I kept repeating "My Grandpa has died" in my head over and over and over but it never seemed real. The night before I was scheduled to fly back to Minnesota I was incredibly nervous. I knew that I had been feeling nothing the last couple days and that as soon as I would get back to Minnesota I would be a disaster. I told my husband I was nervous and he was a little surprised to hear me say that. He thought I would be looking forward to being around my family during this hard time. I told him that usually I would be excited to see my family, but that I also knew that all my sadness was going to hit me like a brick wall. When I go to Grandma's house the first thing I do when I walk in the door is look for Grandpa to give him a huge hug but I knew that this time when I would get to my Grandma's, my Grandpa wouldn't be there and that realization was going to engulf me like a tsunami.
I made it through a few hours of flying without a single tear. Had my mom and dad pick me up at the airport and still tear free. Then......we got my grandma's house, got out of the car and hugged my mom. I was done. I can only count on 1 hand the number of moments that I wasn't crying from that point on. The next few days were spent with my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins sharing memories of my grandpa and discussing how we can't imagine life without him. It was amazing to hear everyone's perspective of Grandpa and how he had affected their own life. While we all had different memories about Grandpa that stuck out to us there was one thing that we all could easily agree on; he always made sure that we knew he loved us.
Imagine a person who made you feel as though you were perfect regardless of every mistake you made in life, a person who was always interested in what you had to say and a person who truly loved you unconditionally. That was my Grandpa.
A lot of people talk of their own grandpa as a man full of wisdom and advice, and while my Grandpa was very wise he was the best listener you could ever meet. My Grandpa didn't want you to live life according his rules; he sincerely only cared if you were happy. He always wanted to hear everything that was going on in your life even if he didn't understand the new age rules of dating, what texting meant or what your college major all entailed. He just wanted to be a part of your life.
My Grandpa was my favorite person in life. He was truly there for me throughout my 25 years on this earth and always made me feel so loved. When I made ridiculous mistakes and was ashamed of myself, he was understanding. When I was lost in this cold cruel world, he was encouraging. When I married a man he had never met, he was supportive and when I made the biggest change in my life, he was proud. My Grandpa has and always will have a special place in my heart. I think about him constantly throughout every day and just pray that he is at peace up in Heaven.
So sorry to hear about your loss, Cody.
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