Round 2

I received a call the fertility clinic today and scheduled my baseline ultrasound for a February cycle.

*ding, ding* Round 2.

I haven't decided how I feel about it yet. I feel excited to get another chance. I, also, feel frustrated with the possibility that it may not happen for us. I know I should stay positive and I really am majority of the time, but I am mostly frustrated with how I have had to "stay positive" for so long. The fertility treatment process has not been long at all, with our first appointment being in the beginning of October, but I have had the excitement of possibly being pregnant for 3 years now. Let's just say the excitement meter is very low.

In the beginning, the idea of being pregnant was incredibly exciting. I wanted everything that came with it. I wanted to take pictures of my baby bump, complain about morning sickness to Michael, find out the gender, pick out a name, announce it to everyone and count down the days until that little baby would arrive. Now, I am getting to the point where I don't care about any of that.

I want to be a mom.

I want to be a mom so bad. I constantly think of seeing all my baby's firsts, sending them to school, hearing them talk, imagining Michael running throughout the house with them, disciplining them, cuddling them and most of all loving them. I want a child to love more than I want anything else in this whole world.

I shouldn't think this way, but I am already assuming that we won't get pregnant this month naturally or next month with another IUI. So I ask myself.....how long do I torture myself before Michael and I fill out an adoption application?

It's a lot to think about and being a woman I make sure I have time to think about all of it. I am sure tomorrow I will snap out of it and the excitement meter will rise, but just for this moment I am going to let myself feel however I feel.

Girliness <3

I find ways that the Navy has changed me regularly. I think about how I used to be completely comfortable with throwing my clothes on the floor, leaving dishes sit and have items strewn about. That is absolutely not the case anymore! Everything in our house has a place and it erks me worse and worse as time passes that they aren't in place. Michael had a friend from North Dakota visiting for the last 12 days so I gave up my bathroom (yes, I moved all that is girly into Michael's bathroom), and my spare room, which has become my puzzling sanctuary while Rob and Michael play video games. As soon and Michael's friend left today (actually before we left for the airport) I was already putting everything back to wear it belongs. On the ship, we cleaned every day and everything has a specific place in your rack so I have adopted that habit at home. I even vacuum at least once a week just because I think the lines on the carpet make it look neat and organized. I try to not be so bad and let things slide because when I really get crazy about it I start to get annoyed that Michael isn't as obsessed about it as I am and isn't helping. The Nerve!! Can you believe that guy?!? Haha so once I start to feel that way I know that I need to calm down and realize that life can be a little messy and even if I clean it right away... It will just be messy again tomorrow. :)

On another note...
I have been feeling super girly lately. Not sure why, but I am just all about wearing make-up, wearing cute clothes and painting my nails. I used to get in moods like this after being underway for a couple weeks and craved being out of my combat boots, but right now, I just want to be girly.

I absolutely love time with my husband, but I am looking forward to a weekend of girliness all by myself. I started my Friday night with the most recent episode of The Bachelor, leftover Chinese food and Leinenkugel's Cranberry Ginger Ale. Tomorrow, I am getting some relaxing acupuncture done, probably a little shopping for new make-up and bath supplies at a new store I heard about called Lush, followed by possibly In N' Out Burger and my new obsession TV show Parenthood. It's suppose to rain this weekend too so it will be perfect for relaxing girliness.

Flying Thoughts

"Back to school. Back to school. To prove to my dad that I'm not a fool."-Billy Madison

My holiday leave is over, but I am so glad I am back to school. Right now I am taking a Shipboard Communications course for the Navy before I go on to my next command in April. It is great! I kick ass at the class, I don't have duty days, no command pt (physical training) and the hours are from 7:30am-about 2:30pm. Easy days! I enjoyed my time off, but it made me realize I need to be one of those women who work. I just do. I get too bored with too much time off and I hate doing chores so since I get bored, chores are all I end up doing. They get done while I am working during the week too, but when I have time off I really don't have an excuse not to do them. So needless to say, it was time to go back. :)

Chores weren't the only thing I did while on leave. I had a great time with my hubs over Christmas, golfed, went out for New Year's Eve, did a Segway tour, had a bonfire with neighbors, tried acupuncture for the first time (it was great!), got a pedicure, made homemade goodies and did a lot of sleeping in! :)

I also found an older blog of mine I started right when I enlisted. There are only a few posts but I think I am going to transfer them over to this blog, because they are pretty neat to read and it will be nice to have them all in one place. I also have some entries drafted on my laptop from deployment that I should transfer over too. My goal is to eventually type out my whole deployment experience so I can look back on it and remember that crazy time.

I hope to be blogging more in 2015! I know I always say I want to blog more, but the truth is that I don't think I have that much to say, and when I did have something to say I wouldn't be motivated enough to set my laptop up, try to log in, realize I don't know my password, reset my password, try to login again and then finally try to remember what I wanted to say in the first place and then get to writing. But, thanks to technology, I have the Blogger app on my phone that keeps me logged in and ready to type at any moment. So get ready for flying thoughts!:)

Happy New Year!!

2014 has come and gone and I am looking forward to the new hope of 2015! Last year was a great year for quality time with the hubs. Since my ship spent the whole last year in the yards, I was able to spend time with my husband whenever I pleased which was great. I think he enjoyed it too, at least that it what he tells me. :)

While not all my goals for 2014 were met I still did so many things I had never gotten to do before. My golf game improved immensely! I even came inches away from getting my first birdie! I ran my first half marathon which was a great experience and I would love to do another one in 2015. The hubs and I finally got to go to Comic Con which was fantastically nerdy! We took a trip to Vegas again where Michael saw his first big musical, Jersey Boys and I got to see my favorite band (The Used) play live. :) I went to see Justin Timberlake and Miley Cyrus live and we saw The Book of Mormon as well. I went to New York City for the first time which I one of the beat vacations I have ever had and Michael and I were able to make it back to the Midwest together. I also reenlisted in the Navy for 4 more years and transferred from my first command. :)

Whoa! That's alot! I didn't think it was that adventurous of a year but it definitely was and I look forward to the new adventures of 2015!

Lazy Sunday!

Oh how I love lazy Sundays :)

In my early 20's it was definitely called Sunday Funday, but now that I am a little older and have a day job it as turned into Lazy Sundays :) Sunday Funday existed when I worked at Applebee's and Sunday was actually my Friday since restaurant servers work Friday and Saturday nights. All my friends and I would have big Sunday Funday parties where we would spend all day drinking some beers while watching football and then headed to the bar that night. We always had a great time and if you happened to work the lunch shift on Monday, we all would be nursing our hangovers in the back between serving customers. Good times! But now I am old and can barely stay up past 9:30 and look forward to wearing my sweatpants all day; which I am totally okay with. I like being in my late 20's and working a regular job where Lazy Sundays are needed.

On this lazy Sunday, I plan on making some baked chicken drumsticks, asparagus and rice-a-roni. Yum! I also really want to make my dad's salsa today since I haven't made it in way too long; I don't recall making it since I have been back from deployment. I also have stuff in my pantry to whip up some puppy chow which also sounds so good! I, also, still have a granny smith apple left with Carmel waiting on the counter for me. This is the problem I run into: I have so many things that I want to cook/bake, but little me can't eat it all! Michael, of course, works today so he won't be around to enjoy all this food, but I am going to indulge anyway and bring leftovers for work.

I am starting to get into the spirit of the fall. Now that the sun is going down earlier and it is cooling off at night I am starting to get into the mood. It is still hard during the day since it still gets up to 85 degrees! It hasn't been this hot this late in the year since we have been here. I like the heat, but I am ready for the cool crispness of fall.

We have officially bought our plane tickets to head back to the Midwest! We are going back for Michael's cousin's wedding and decided to go for 10 days so we can visit family. I am very excited and look forward to seeing everyone's face! The hard part has been splitting up our time so we can see everyone's face. It has been a challenge, but we will just have to do the best that we can. It will, definitely, be a busy 10 days, but completely worth the craziness. Michael and I have never been back to the Midwest together. Every time we visit back home, the other person isn't able to go with so this will be interesting. We have taken vacations together but never to visit family and definitely not flying together. This will be a fun adventure. :)

I am back!

Another year has gone by since my last post and I feel like quite a bit has happened in just a year. I have been back from my deployment for just about a year and I am finally caught up on pop culture, TV shows, music and fashion. I haven't had cable for the last year, because I was too occupied catching up on my regular shows through Netflix and Hulu that paying for cable just didn't make sense. Well, aside from TV, I am feeling 100% comfortable being back at home. The transition was actually quite smooth with just a few bumps in the road. The biggest challenge was Michael and I getting used to being around each other all the time. Our work hours are still opposite but the distance that was making our hearts grow fonder was no longer there. The "honeymoon phase" of our marriage lasted longer than average because I was either about to get underway or just getting back from being underway, the excitement of using our precious time together wisely was diminishing. We had to re-adjust and move into the next stage of our marriage which consisted of being content with just being with each other. Our time together no longer had to consist of some special, meaningful event, dinner or adventure. We had to realize that it was completely okay spending a weekend just cooking meals, cleaning the house and cuddling up on the couch for a movie. We absolutely love that things can be more relaxed now, just coming out of the honeymoon phase took some getting used to.

Even though the honeymoon phase was over there was still a lot of exciting things that have happened over the last year. My entire family made the trip to San Diego for a Wymore Thanksgiving where I got to meet my nephew for the first time. Michael, of course, improved his golf game, I ran a half marathon with my mom and sister, we took a vacation to Las Vegas, I went to New York City, I started going back to college to work on my degree in cyber security and finally received new orders to instructor duty in Pensacola! My Navy career will be coming full circle. My last day on the Princeton will be November 19th and it is kind of bitter/sweet. I, definitely, need a change and look forward to a new challenge, but I will miss my brothers. The Princeton has been a big part of my life and has helped me grow in so many ways that it will be a little sad to close that chapter.

On top of all these events this last year, Michael and I are moving forward with having a baby. We have been trying for quite some time now and will be seeing a fertility specialist come beginning of October. We are both in good spirits and actually very excited to moving closer to our dream of having a family of our own. Wish us luck!

I want to be blogging more and I know I said that a year ago, but life just got away from me. So this upcoming year will be full of blogging and full of all new crazy adventures; hopefully a baby being the biggest one, but we also look forward to a fresh experience in Pensacola, possibly buying a house there, finishing my degree, my younger brother getting married, Ben and Jess having another baby and whatever else life decides to surprise us with.

I'm Back!

Navy Wife

It has been just over a year since my last blog entry and while I thought about writing so many times I realized that there wasn't much I was allowed to say. The last year of my life has been revolved around preparing to be deployed and while I wanted to write about all the thoughts, feelings and anxieties I was having I really couldn't say much without divulging information about the deployment itself that would compromise ship's information. I, also, didn't want to think about it more than I had to. I was excited to have an adventure of a lifetime, but fighting the depression of leaving my husband came with that excitement. The two weeks before I left I really struggled wanting to do anything. As much as I knew I should leave the house or see people I just simply didn't want to. I was susceptible to tears falling at any moment and would sit on the couch cuddled up with my puppies any time I was home alone. Moments with my husband never seemed to last long enough and the count down to departure went faster and faster. The time came. That dreadful moment of saying "Good-bye" had arrived.

Don't worry, I will fill you in on every experience that I have had over the last 6 months once I finally get home. I plan to eventually write out the entire deployment and take you on the journey that I have traveled and will forever be a part of me.  For now is just going to be a small look into the mental/emotional roller coaster of being a deployed Navy Wife.

The joys and challenges of being a new wife are always quite the adventure. The joys and challenges of being in the Navy is a whole other adventure. Now slam those 2 roles into one of the most challenging situations a person can be put in and that is my current life. I am currently deployed and have been for just about 6 months. Dealing with a deployment is stressful, full of anxiety, a learning experience, a challenge, a chance to grow, an adventure and a roller coaster to say the least. My days consist of working at least 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and right when I think I have caught up on my daily tasks.......something breaks. Radio circuits down.....entire network down......challenge accepted! I have learned to delegate, prioritize and manage my time better than I ever have in the past. And don't think that working with all guys in the shop scares me; they know who's boss. :) I hold my own and have earned their respect and established myself as a credible IT on the ship. My parents always taught me that hard work will pay off, maybe not right away or when you want it to, but it will pay off some day, when it counts the most.

Wrangling my own stress, emotions and mental challenges is a feet all on its own, but let's not forget the most important person in my life; my husband. The biggest challenge we have learned we face is that while I am being deployed we live separate lives and neither one of us can fully understand the other. It has caused a few altercations, but it has only caused us to grow as a couple and really learn to communicate. We have learned that we both have to really put ourselves in the other person's shoes and accept that we cannot fully understand the life of the other person right now. After working out the kinks we have found that laughter is the best thing for us and that we are each entitled to our bad days. Those bad days become fewer as time goes on but the best way to support each other during those bad days is to know that we can't fix it and to just support each other. We have become an excellent tag team of alternating whose turn it is to be down and sad. We take turns lifting each other up while the other wants to give up. That's the crazy part, though, is that there is no giving up. How do you decided that you want to quit being apart? Quit living separate lives? Quit having a long-distance relationship? You don't. You don't have a choice so all you can do is learn to adapt and it has made our relationship stronger. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband and if you know my husband at all you can only imagine how much he makes me laugh even from thousands of miles away. :)

I miss my husband more than anything. More than my own bed, my own clothes, a couch, my puppies, driving, a home-cooked meal, a beer after a stressful day, chocolate......mmmmmm chocolate. Ok, now I'm day dreaming of all the things I miss on a daily basis. You never realize how great it is to shower without shower shoes on until it is no longer allowed in your life. I'm a little anxious about coming home only because the smallest changes are going to feel like stepping into the delorian to go back to the future. It was spring when I left and now when I return there will  be holiday decorations all around. Summer beach time was just simply non-existent. Football season will be half over. My nephew will be almost 1 year old. Hopefully my puppies still remember me. New neighbors. New fall styles. New movies in theaters. New music on the radio. A hundred little changes can get overwhelming. I just know that I will have to follow some of my mom's famous words, "Just take it one day at a time".

I am loving and understanding towards my husband and a ball-buster to my shipmates........I am a Navy Wife.