13Nov10
The hard thing about being here is finding an escape. I am so used to having my alone time and being by myself that a lot of times at night it gets overwhelming. Things with the females aren't better. It feels like high school where the "popular" girls run the place but no one actually likes them. I'm starting to feel lonely here. I was really stressed and down earlier and then I had a nice chat about real life with Lopez and Bradford; that's right, it's just like the movies where we use last names only. We had real conversations and actually laughed. Our female leader kept telling us to stay quiet but I refused to listen at night, because I literally don't say a word all day long so I need to talk to people at night, visit and laugh. Otherwise I would go crazy. I am glad I talked to some of the girls tonight, because now I can sleep stress free for a little while.
14Nov10
On Sundays we get what is called Holiday Hours. we get up at 0600 like every other morning, but at 0700 we have spare time to take a long shower, fold and iron our uniforms, go to Church, shine boots, visit a little and write letters. After all the chores I had to do I didn't get as much time to write as I wanted to. I am going to make it a point to write back each person that has written me and I didn't get as much time to send out all the ones I wanted to. I started to tear up when I was writing my letters and thinking about home. I'm really starting to miss everyone and can't wait to receive letters from everyone. It is weird to think that Thanksgiving is coming up soon. Definitely don't feel the holiday spirit around here. I wish I could spend Christmas with Michael and my family. I'm trying hard not to think about all the holiday traditions I'll miss.
15Nov10
Well today flat out sucked. It was so stressful. I had my Top Secret security clearance interview this morning and that went great. My interviewer approved me for recommendation for TOP SECRET clearance; makes me feel bad ass. :) But then on the way back to the ship I had to be the Detail Leader. A detail is a group of 3-10 sailors transporting from one building to the next. So I was put in charge and had to call out marching steps, greet higher ranks when passing, salute officers and make sure my detail gets back correctly. In real life this doesn't seem like such a daunting task but in boot camp life this could be an evolution that can get you, what we like to call, a beating. You don't actually get beat, just exercised till you can't go anymore. Well I was pretty confident that I could do this, but nervous as all hell. This was too much responsibility that I ever wanted. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have 2 girls behind me breathing down my neck and telling me to do things I'm not suppose to do, plus argue with each other about it too. So because I was thinking about a hundred things to do right or get yelled at with bitchy girls arguing behind me, I didn't salute an officer. That may not seem like a big deal but it was. I'm the type of person that succeeds at just about everything I do that is hands on the first or second time I do it. The officer called me on it and I felt so dumb. I got down on myself today. My RDC's didn't even know that I sucked coming back so I didn't get in trouble but I want to work my ass off and not be at the bottom of the barrel. I know I'm not at the bottom at all but when things like this happen it can really shake me up and make me second guess myself the next time. I know I will learn from this and it will make me better, but today was just one of those days where I couldn't get out of my funk. Which makes me seek comfort. I miss Michael and my mom and dad, Krista, Ryan and all my siblings. I really want some letters fro encouragement. So tonight is the night of crying. I'm sad and lonely and had a rough day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. It doesn't help that I'm so tired and sore. I'm also tired of these girls. Lopez is awesome. She lets me vent and understands how stressful it is here. My other friend, Florez, who we call "Flowers", is so cool too. She's in another division that lives in our compartment. She always brightens my day. She will be in Florida while I'm there too so we said we would go to the bars together. I can't wait for basic to be done. It feels like it is a really long ways away. I just want to start the rest of my life and be done getting yelled at. Also.....I hate my short hair.
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